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Why Men Pull Away

Maggie found herself in a state of confusion. Rick had left a lasting impression on their initial two dates, going to great lengths to win her over. His efforts had indeed impressed her, as he had been attentive, respectful, gentle, and deeply engaged. However, just as Maggie had decided to invest her feelings in him, he seemed to vanish, withdrawing his attention and interest. Now, the roles had reversed, and Maggie found herself making efforts to regain his attention.

Why do some men do this? Why do they pull away when a relationship begins to develop? Not every man follows this pattern, but it's a common enough question among the women. Some men come on strong in the beginning, pursuing with such enthusiasm that it leaves others in awe, but when they capture their romantic interest, they suddenly become distant. What motivates this change?

Dating can be a complex experience, both exhilarating and nerve-wracking. In the initial stages, it's all about the chase, with the man trying to capture your attention while you decide if he's worth it. During this time, both parties are so engrossed in the pursuit that they rarely think about what comes next.

Then, the dynamics shift. You decide you're genuinely interested in the guy, and he, having secured your attention, must begin considering the possibility of a more serious relationship. Does he want one? Most likely, or he wouldn't have pursued you so fervently in the first place. However, wanting it and having the courage to pursue it wholeheartedly are two different matters.

So, what should you do in such a situation? Well, first, let's discuss what you should avoid doing.

Avoid These Two Common Mistakes

Firstly, don't assume that his withdrawal is a reflection of your worth. More often than not, it has little to do with you. He was enthusiastic about you before you reciprocated those feelings, and he's likely still interested.

Secondly, don't pressure him. This is where many advice columns can lead you astray. They may suggest playing "hard to get" or some variation of it. Instead, find ways to convey your interest without suffocating or pushing him away (bombarding him with hourly text messages, for instance, might be excessive).

So, why do some men pull away and become distant as a relationship progresses? It often boils down to nerves and anxieties. The prospect of committing to a serious relationship can make anyone jittery, and it's natural for them to wrestle with the idea of surrendering some of their personal freedom and choice.

Avoiding Common Missteps:

First and foremost, it's vital not to jump to conclusions when a man withdraws. Chances are, it has little to do with your personal worth. He was genuinely interested in you before, and he likely still is.

Secondly, it's wise to steer clear of pressuring him. Many advice columns may suggest playing hard-to-get, but it's not always the best approach. Instead, communicate your interest in him in a way that doesn't overwhelm him, like excessive text messages.

Understanding His Behavior:

Men sometimes distance themselves as a relationship progresses due to natural anxieties and fears. During the pursuit phase, desire and excitement are the driving forces. However, as the relationship becomes more serious, his motivations can change. He may start thinking about potential lifestyle changes and the choices he's making.

Some men may have unfounded fears that committing to a woman will change their activities or limit their freedom. When he acts distant, it's crucial to stay true to yourself. Maintain the qualities that initially attracted him to you, such as being carefree, confident, and available.

Avoiding Overreactions:

It's essential not to overreact when he becomes distant. Responding with panic or demanding his attention can push him away further. Dwelling on the idea that he has found a flaw in you can put you in a negative state of mind, which is not attractive.

Always Assume the Best:

Remember that he pursued you because he hoped you'd be interested in him. Now, it's your turn to express interest while giving him the space to feel comfortable. If a man genuinely desires a mature, committed relationship, he'll likely come around when he realizes there's nothing to fear. If he's not ready for such a commitment, he might not be the right fit for you.

A Strategy to Reignite His Interest:

Recognizing that men often value respect over love can give you an edge in your relationship. Men have an inherent need to earn your respect as a pathway to winning your love. By tapping into this, you can encourage him to invest more effort and commitment into the relationship.

One effective way to do this is by allowing him to feel like a hero. Men often want to solve problems, come to your aid, and demonstrate their usefulness. While this approach may not always be seen as traditionally romantic, it aligns with their natural instincts.

To explore this concept further and learn how to tap into his hero instinct to reignite his interest, you Click Here. This strategy can help enhance your connection with men and foster a more fulfilling relationship.

References: Harry's Masculinity Report 2018 - Men are happiest when a part of something where they feel needed and valued. Anderson, Cameron & Hildreth, John & Howland, Laura. (2015). Is the Desire for Status a Fundamental Human Motive? A Review of the Empirical Literature. Psychological bulletin. 141. 10.1037/a0038781. - Male need for respect. Gender Differences in Implicit Self-Esteem Following a Romantic Partner's Success or Failure," Kate A. Ratliff, PhD, University of Florida, and Shigehiro Oishi, PhD, University of Virginia; Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, online Aug. 5, 2013. - Men have lower self-esteem when their partner succeeds and they fail (i.e. they don't feel needed/irreplaceable). Canevello A, Crocker J. Creating good relationships: Responsiveness, relationship quality, and interpersonal goals. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2010;99(1):78-106. doi:10.1037/a0018186 - Showing him you believe in him and he's the one for the job. Reis HT, Lemay Jr EP, Finkenauer C. Toward understanding understanding: The importance of feeling understood in relationships. Social and Personality Psychology Compass. 2017:11(3):e12308. doi:10.1111/spc3.12308 - You value his point of view and abilities.

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